Community Isn't Conceived In The House

In the process of going back and reading this book—not as the author, but as a friend, as a person in our community—I realized something: most of these stories, most of these relationships, they didn't start from my couch.

They started outside.

At poetry events. In alleys. Out with friends. Eavesdropping on conversations I had no business hearing. At book clubs. Dating events. Random Tuesday nights when I could've stayed home but didn't.

Only one of them maybe started from the couch. The rest? I had to leave the house.

And I get it. There are a lot of reasons why we'd rather just be with ourselves. We're tired of outside pressure. Tired of work situations. Tired of thinking about everything, doing everything, getting dressed, doing our hair—the list never ends. So when it's time to get ready to go somewhere, we're exhausted.

Sometimes we're also thinking: How much is it gonna cost? Where am I gonna park? Who's picking me up?

All of that comes into play.

But here's what I need us to remember: even though it's been made very hard for us to have community, community exists. There are people just like us outside, waiting. Well, actually, they're probably on their couch too—also waiting for us to come outside.

We have to do our part to come together.

And being in the house is not gonna be the place where we find that community, build that village, or have the experiences we need. There's so much data that shows the significance of us touching another person—just hugging somebody—but we often don't get to do that. We'll have friends we talk to on the phone, we text, all those things, but we don't get that genuine human connection that we've always had.

Now, we can go talk about sex and the different ways of touching and what we don't want to be touched, but let me take you all the way back. Back to when you were on a playground, outside, in the dirt—or avoiding the dirt. When you sat on a school bus or rode in a carpool. When you sat at a desk and had to do a group project. You were touching each other. We touched a lot.

Sitting at home and being isolated is not allowing us to do those things, in those different ways in which we just naturally connected.

So here's one of the overarching themes that's not really highlighted in the book, but I'm gonna highlight it now: we are community. And where we don't have community, we have the opportunity to build it and grow it. That's one of the main focal points of this book. One of the main purposes.

And one of the ways in which we have to do that for ourselves is to make sure we go outside of the house.

So what happens now?

Comment below - Have you ever stayed because it felt good even when it didn't feel right?

If that question landed somewhere tender, this book is for you. It's for all of us who've loved hard, stayed long, and are finally ready to choose differently. Because healing doesn't have to be heavy—it just has to be honest.

My birthday is this week, and it would mean the world if you'd grab a copy of When the Heart Breaks Forward—for yourself, for your friend, your sis, your bro, your partner, your ex, your ex's ex, your new boo, your mama, your crush, all of 'em. For your homegirl, or bro, who's avoiding dating and the one who's outside all the time. IFKYK.

Buy the book. Share it. Visit my site and leave a review.

Let's heal forward—together.